ONCE AGAIN

ONCE AGAIN

I had written this piece for a competition I was planning to enter, however, I doubt my entry ever got sent. we were to use The trees swayed in the wind and a flash of lightning lit up the entire forest. Suddenly, in a pool of light a strange creature with silver wings emerged. “Please .. help…me…. these lines somewhere in the story. I decided to take up an earlier idea of mine and develop it into this. For some reason it always manages to make me emotional, now that could just be because I had written it a time of vulnerability.
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‘He saw right through me.

He saw right through my facade.

He saw right through this wall I have built.’

It is always so peaceful up here. Here, on this rather comfortable bench, we sit every night. This balcony gives the best view of the garden, you can see all the colorful bushes and beautifully carved hedges, all the way up to the wall. What lies beyond that tall, well-built wall, nobody except I know. At the end of every day, we meet up here, and talk for hours, analysing the day’s events and preparing for the night ahead.

Today, we decided to dwell in our pasts and at the end of hour two down memory lane, we have made ourselves comfortable with all of the delicacies from the fridge we could find, surrounding us. She has propped herself against the foot of the bench, patiently hearing me out. And I am lying on the bench looking up at the stars which seem majestically close from the highest balcony of the palace. 

‘He tried invading my fortress, he tried entering,’ I gesture towards the high wall surrounding our castle,”through this wall.’

‘He told me to break it down, allow people in and not hide this beautiful castle with tall ugly brick walls.’

This indeed is a pretty castle, it had taken me months of solidarity, hard work and love to build this to its present stature. It has two towering pillars with balconies on either backside, with a majestic four feet door opening into the handsomely furnished living hall. To the right, the hallway leads to the kitchen, and the one on the left opens into the study and in the front is the staircase, leading up to the first floor. The first floor has its own small kitchen, with 4 large bedrooms each the size of the study. The walls are colored with smoothing, peaceful colors and are decorated with paintings.

The same, however cannot be said about the outside of the castle, the only part actually visible over the wall, to the outsiders. The terrible storms at night and the neglect to keep this particular part of the castle top-notch is why the majority of the by-passers tend to ignore this august fortress.

This has in fact been the topic of various of our conversations, 

‘Tell me, why do you not want me to care for the exterior of this place, when I already take care of the interior and the gardens?’

‘Because such a beautiful sight will attract the unwanted attention of strangers we do not require.’

‘But don’t you think, this palace is a waste if not appreciated?’

‘You don’t need others to appreciate yourself.’

‘Did you? Did you break down this wall and let him in?’ she asked with curiosity, turning to look at me.

‘I told him, “You don’t know the consequences of that.. The last time I let that wall down for the strangers to look in, they did nothing but throw stones and break it.

They broke all the windows, doors and finally demolished the castle.

It took me months of solidarity to rebuild that castle and bring it back to its majestic form.

That’s why, this time I decided not to repeat my mistake and built an even bigger wall to hide my fortress from strangers. ” ‘

‘That day is still crystal clear in my memory, the day he came into my life.’

‘Tell me more about that day, what happened finally?’ my inner-self asked me.

‘Instead of telling you, let me show you.’ I took her hand in mine and we waited for the gust of wind to transport us back in time. A gust of wind coming from the wall, swirled around us and lifted us from our bench and in a flash, we were sitting on top of the wall.

The wall is not as tall as it was, and sitting on top of it, we were able to make out the silhouette of two figures standing on either side of the wall. The castle too is much prettier than it was and the garden looked as if it hadn’t been looked after for years. 

‘I can’t let you in!’ the girl on the inside of the wall shouted. 

‘ That’s me,’ I said pointing towards her ‘and that’s him’ I pointed towards the other figure on the outside of the wall.   

The guy started pacing the wall, feeling each of the bricks with his hand, he said, ‘I can feel the hatred in each of these bricks and the betrayal with which they are cemented together, they can be broken only if you carve out a small door for me to enter through.’

The girl inside had also started pacing, and she shouted back, ‘I don’t know if that is possible. I don’t have enough love and trust to carve out a door for you.’

‘I will give you that love and trust, I promise.’ came his reply. He placed his hand on the wall and leaned his forehead against the wall, as if calling out to her.

‘I can try.’ the girl managed to say and she too placed her hand and leaned against the wall. 

‘How dumb was I? How could I have fallen for this? Fallen for a guy like this, when I knew something this good can never be true?’ I sighed and said in a frustrated tone. I couldn’t take more of it, so I held my companions hand and requested the wind to take us back to our time.

As soon as we came back, she let go of my hand and started walking around, ‘Why did you bring us back? What happened after that? I really wanted to know!’

I pull her down on the bench beside me, ‘Looking at that part of my life again, brought back memories I have tried to bury deep underneath over time. They brought back those feelings of hate, betrayal and pain I had felt so strongly at that time.’

Looking at my distressed self, she turned towards me, took my hand in hers and said, ’I am sorry, I didn’t know it was that hard on you. I just want to know what happened after that.’

‘Well, after that, being the naive girl I was, I picked up my last few tools of trust and love and managed to carve out a small window for him. This little addition to the wall had cost me all of my love and trust I had left.’

‘But he surely gave you more of that right? Just like he had promised?’

‘Surprisingly, yes he did. He came in, gave me a lot of love and the strength to trust again. You know that jar I keep downstairs near the kitchen?’

‘Yeah, the one labelled, ‘In times of emergency only’.

‘Yeah that one, when he came, it was empty and then he stayed and helped me fill it to the brim. And just as I was thinking about finding another one to keep all of them safe and intact, he left.’

She gasped, ‘He left?’ she said in the most astounding voice of hers.

‘He left, and he also took half the jar’s love and trust with him.’

‘Is that why that jar has never been full ever since i’ve come?’ she asked in a concerned tone.

‘Yes, after that I lost all ability and strength to love and trust again, and they have become a rare thing in this house. Have you ever wondered who those guards outside the walls are?’

She nods, doubtful that she was ready to hear something like that.

‘Those are all broken promises. Each and every one of them came from a promise that was broken. Just like the promise he broke, and gave me another guard to guard my castle.’

She was staring into the distance now, maybe trying to comprehend what all those guards signified.

I continued, ‘With my new found hurt and betrayal, I managed to cover up that window I had carved for him. And even after that, I had loads of it to spare, so I built the wall even higher.

She started to get up and moved towards the railing of the balcony, she said, ‘Can you see that? I think I even hear something.’

The trees swayed in the wind and a flash of lightning lit up the entire forest. Suddenly, in a pool of light a strange creature with silver wings emerged. “Please .. help…me….

We both rushed down and approached the strange creature, ‘What are you?’ I asked in awe, to the magnificent creature with a silver glow.

‘Dear, the fact that you don’t know who I am is proof enough of how desperately you need me.’ it replied in the most smooth, song-like voice. ‘I am Spero, I have risen from the depths of this very castle, this castle which now represents loneliness and sorrow. In the depths I was dying, I live on belief, belief of people on me, but you, my child were losing all of it. I somehow managed to make my way up here.’

‘I still don’t understand who you are, and what I have lost belief in.’ I enquired still bewildered.

‘I am your silver ray of Hope. And I have come to guide you out of your miserable life into the one you deserve.’